January 2024

Rumi’s Reflections: Alison Wem’s Journal – Day 14

It’s your road and your road alone.

Others may walk it with you, but no

one can walk it for you.

Jalal al-Din Rumi

My life is my own – who I choose to be friends with, to love and how I want to just ‘be’ in this life of mine.

Of course there have been and will continue to be bumps on my road. But it is my choice how I react to and handle those bumps.

Some bumps I find harder than others, especially when I loose someone. But I am grateful for the time I have had with them and the chance to give and receive their love. read more

By Alison Wem, ago

Family: love them or hate them?

We all have a family. I believe a better name for family is ‘loved ones’ which also includes friends, colleagues, neighbours, pets and more. Your family teaches you throughout your life to give and to receive love.

Love is such a powerful emotion – love for a child, a parent, a friend.  Enjoying that love is wonderful, loss of that love can be truly painful.

Love heals, makes you laugh and generally makes life worth living.

Here are my views on love:

Loving is for all, not just your partner, family and friends. It should also include yourself! Often, the most unlovable people are those that gain the most value from your love, be it a smile, a kind word or an offer of help. read more

By Alison Wem, ago

Have you been touched by one of the 3Ds: divorce, death, debt?

January is the prime time in the year for having to face one of the 3Ds – divorce, death and debt. After the extended festive period many couples realise their relationship has run its course. Or the cold weather takes a few people to the After Life. Or significant debt catches up with people who have over extended themselves and Christmas is the final straw that breaks the camels back.

Perhaps you have hit one of life’s 3 Ds – death, divorce/separation, debt. All of these are big life changing moments. You realise life will never be quite the same again. How do you handle such a moment and where do you find the strength to move forwards? read more

By Alison Wem, ago

Feeling sad from losing someone?: We should talk more openly about the dying process.

This week I have lost a good friend of over 50 years. He was my late husband’s best friend. They came to me as a cheeky pair and always made me laugh. We met as teenagers and stayed friends through all of the ups and downs of life. My friend held my son when he was only hours old having talked his way into the maternity ward. I always knew he would be there for me if I needed help. He was a good man.

Sadly my friend has been terminally ill for 10 months. We still met up and laughed but in the background our hearts were heavy. The dying process can be protracted and not easy to participate in. As my friend’s health deteriorated, he no longer wished to meet up. He was a very private man and didn’t want me to see him as he had become. I had to respect his wishes, but it wouldn’t have worried me how he looked. He was still the friend he had always been. read more

By Alison Wem, ago

Friends: 3 characteristics of a good friend

A friendship can strike up quickly between you and another person or it may grow over time.  Both are valid approaches to establishing a friendship.  At some point you will realise they are important to you.  Your relationship may display many of these characteristics;

  • challenge you making the relationship exciting and fun.
  • stay with you through the good times and the sad times.
  • supportive of each other – your hopes, desires and fears.

Often conversation bounces backwards and forwards between you with each of you listening and giving a considered reply.  Good friends love you and can feel as comfortable as an old pair of slippers!

You feel able to ask them for their help and they are there for you if your world comes tumbling down. read more

By Alison Wem, ago

Back to work: how do you keep the relaxed feel from the break?

Many of us have now gone back to work.  After the long Festive break, you will be adjusting back to the relentless pace of business.

Stress resides not in the mind but in the nervous system. Our ‘fight or flight’ response raises our cortisol level causing the sympathetic nervous system to activate. Our bodies are designed for a raised cortisol level but only in short bursts to aid our survival. However in our modern ‘always on the go’ life style, many people live with chronic raised cortisol levels leading to slow digestion, sleep disruption and other side effects. read more

By Alison Wem, ago

Feeling sad when everyone else is happy?

Sadness often goes hand-in-hand with loneliness. You can feel lonely in an unhappy relationship, family or city. Humans are tribal by nature so loneliness is the hardest of conditions. I experienced loneliness as a widow in my 40s. With two children life was very busy but inside I had an aching loneliness. I count my blessings that I fell in love again and my husband came with a large, boisterous and loving family.

Over Christmas and the New Year festivities many of us have enjoyed time with friends and family – even if there were some irritations along the way. Sadly many have spent this time alone. Or a person who normally lives alone, who has spent time with people, is now faced with going home to a lonely life. How daunting is that? read more

By Alison Wem, ago