January is the prime time in the year for having to face one of the 3Ds – divorce, death and debt. After the extended festive period many couples realise their relationship has run its course. Or the cold weather takes a few people to the After Life. Or significant debt catches up with people who have over extended themselves and Christmas is the final straw that breaks the camels back.
Perhaps you have hit one of life’s 3 Ds – death, divorce/separation, debt. All of these are big life changing moments. You realise life will never be quite the same again. How do you handle such a moment and where do you find the strength to move forwards?
While each of the 3Ds can be devastating, they also offer you opportunities for growth. These challenges are all about learning through the loss of someone or something you value. That opportunity can bring you hope in what can be a bleak time in your life. Hope for a better tomorrow is a powerful force for moving life forwards.
Identifying your life lesson/s will help you to cope with your life challenge. What are you meant to be learning through this challenge? It could be resilience, independence, boundaries, good judgement, compassion and many other things. This potential for growth is about identifying the life lessons you are learning with the important people in your life – your partner, family, manager, friends and neighbours.
Once you appreciate the lesson you are being given an opportunity to learn, some how you move from the being the victim in the situation and get on with learning your lesson. From the higher perspective of desiring to learn, the lesson becomes easier and it is less difficult to move forwards.
Need help to cope with this life challenge? Finding your inner calmness assists you in coping with your life. From a place of calmness within you, you have clarity, decisiveness, strength and direction. All are good attributes to have with you when you are moving forwards and handling new situations and people.
But how do you find that calmness? You may need some on-going practices to help you find and sustain your calmness. In my view, typical practices I have seen people successfully deploy are;
Allow yourself the time to go for a walk alone in nature. This walk is about caring for yourself. You are the only person who matters on this walk. Look at the greenery in nature and feel the soothing energy it gives you. Look at the dynamic sky and the movement and freedom it suggests. Feel the ground beneath your feet and the strength Mother Earth offers you. Breath deeply and slowly and feel the fresh air revitalise you. I often did this practice in widowhood. At family gatherings I was the one who used to slip away sad and come back able to cope.
Meditate in silence. Try a meditation that leads you in an opening, then leaves you in silence and then calls you back. If you can’t find one you like, record one for yourself. In the period of silence take a few deep breaths and let your energy just settle within you. Don’t try to control your thoughts or feelings, just let them go where they want to. Over time you will start to feel your calmness within.
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