Two wrongs do not make a right

Published by Alison Wem on

In a maths formula two negatives make a positive.  In life this is not true.  If someone does you a wrong, reciprocating with another wrong does not rectify the situation.  In fact it does the opposite and compounds the bad behaviour and reduces yourself.

You may not be able to prevent others doing you a wrong, but you do get to choose how you respond.  Your choice expresses how you are as a person and how you chose to live your life.

Dedicated to my mother and the wonderful two little boys in our family who represent the next generation arriving.

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Emotions

Turning unkindness into something positive

You came into this life to learn and to enjoy the gift of life. Someone being unkind to you can feel like it disrupts this. We learn through challenges but sometimes an unkindness, particularly if it’s from someone close to you or that you love, seems to double how hard it feels.

The experience of unkindness is not the lesson.

No one wants you to experience pain.

The learning comes from how you choose to respond to the unkindness.

Your response can reflect in how you behave with others, but equally important is how do you behave to yourself. Do you allow the unkindness to strike at your heart and to unduly affect your energy and well-being?

Of course, you should consider what the other person did or said to you. Try to be clear on;

  • was there an element of truth in what they said or did from which you can learn, but it was put across clumsily or cruelly?
  • Or, was it a plain old-fashioned unkindness driven perhaps by jealousy, envy or any other negative emotion?

Whichever basis the unkindness came from, with this knowledge you can act more wisely with yourself. In both scenarios you will need to comfort and nurture yourself. But the learning will be different depending on the scenario.

If there was an element of truth in the unkindness, you may choose to adjust something in your life. But it is your choice, no one else’s. You should feel in control of what you do with your life. The change will only be affective if you accept the situation you need to change.

If it was an unkindness, you can choose not to allow it to impact you. This can be easier said than done, but the lesson may be about being strong such as having confidence in yourself and how you behave or make decisions, or holding your boundaries. Only you will know this.

If you are in this situation, you may want to make some changes in your life not to allow this person to do this again to you.

You are the most important person in your life

To be truly happy in your life, I feel it is about taking responsibility for it. Your choices today give you the life you experience tomorrow.

When you choose consciously and wisely, happiness will follow.

Emotions

Feeling sad when everyone else is happy?

Sadness often goes hand-in-hand with loneliness. You can feel lonely in an unhappy relationship, family or city. Humans are tribal by nature so loneliness is the hardest of conditions. I experienced loneliness as a widow in my 40s. With two children life was very busy but inside I had an aching loneliness. I count my blessings that I fell in love again and my husband came with a large, boisterous and loving family.

Over Christmas and the New Year festivities many of us have enjoyed time with friends and family – even if there were some irritations along the way. Sadly many have spent this time alone. Or a person who normally lives alone, who has spent time with people, is now faced with going home to a lonely life. How daunting is that?

The 2nd January can be a sad time for many.

If like me when I was a widow, you feel lonely, rather than sit at home feeling sad, try to do things which bring you into contact with other people.

Smile at the world and the world will smile back.

Join a club or a chat with a neighbour can make a world of difference to how you feel about your day.

I know it’s not easy, I have been there.

Each little step you take will ease your situation. It does take effort and perseverance to move forward but it will be worthwhile.

If you are home bound, you can always call Esther Rantzen’s – The Silver Line, telephone number 0800 4 70 80 90 for a chat. Some call just to say ‘Good Morning’ and ‘Good Night.’

For those of you lucky enough to have people who care for you, be grateful for them. Dr Chatterjee suggests an exercise to boost your positive feelings. True happiness comes from the heart.

The Love List – write down five things you love about someone close to you.

It could be for a partner, friend, child, colleague, you can take a different person each day or stay with the same person. In close relationships we often focus on the things that irritate you rather the things that bring you joy. This simple exercise changes the focus onto the positive things in the relationship and often changes how you feel about it. So often people do not reflect on their relationships in this manner until its too late and the person is lost to them in some way.

If you are aware of a person who lives alone, perhaps a neighbour, colleague, friend or relative; take some time in January to give them a call, better still visit them, go for a coffee or set another place at your dinner table. It will help them to get past the January Blues. When you give, you often receive as well.

How do you feel?

If you relate to this article and need some more help and guidance in your life – get in touch with Alison. Here are her contact details.

Click to contact me Here

Tel: +44 7966 137568  Email: alison.wem@yoursoulfamily.com

Available face-to-face or via Zoom/WhatsApp depending on location.

Wisdom of a Mother

Smile at the world

My mum always used to say to me;

“Smile at the world and it will smile back at you.”

It was a good thought to send me to school with and one I particularly remember today. When you are open and feel happy, you radiate such a lovely positive energy people will respond to you without even thinking.

Don’t believe me?

Give my suggestion a try. Spend today smiling at people – walking down the street, in the queue at the supermarket, in the park, at the office. Wherever you come across a stranger, smile at them. Make it a lovely big smile rather than a shy grimace.

I would bet my last penny; most people will smile back, and it will make you feel good.

Don’t feel like smiling?

Maybe you don’t feel there is much in your life to smile about. But just give it a try anyway. In my experience, smiles breed smiles and with each extra smile you will feel more positive, connected to others and generally have a greater sense of well-being.

The stranger you are looking at may need a smile.

How we are and the energy we naturally radiate affects those around us. A stranger may be feeling sad, or lonely or many other emotions that can make you feel down. Your smile can help to uplift them in the moment you face each other. What a lovely gift to give someone. Remember to

Smile at the world and it will smile back at you.

So how does this work?

Whether you believe in the Law of Attraction or not, it still operates.  Universal energy, if nothing else, is consistent and reliable.  We connect with universal energy through our emotions.  Therefore, if you are an angry person who is aggressive in the way you live your life, the universe will send you angry people and situations.  Likewise, if you are a loving person, you will attract loving people and situations.

By consciously smiling you are radiating a gently, loving energy which is why other people respond and smile back at you. As you connect to universal energy with love, it is further amplified. The person you smiled at will feel better and may then smile to another person. And so, the smiles and loving energy goes on….

In a world full of chaos, each of us can add love to our world with just a little thoughtfulness and very little effort. What a difference it would make.

Smile at the world and it will smile back at you.